Support Groups

For individuals who feel that pornography has a hold of over them, a support group of individuals who are going or have gone through the same struggles can be very helpful.

It helps everyone feel ‘I’m not the only one’ and breaks the power of secrecy. We hope and pray too that church leadership groups can increasingly show the compassion of Jesus when standing alongside affected families.

Here is some advice on how to set up and run a support group, with further information.

Support Groups

Who should set up a group?

We would recommend someone who is or has struggled with sexual sin should be the one to set up the group. This sounds daunting, but there are materials and training to help you.

Does a group need a leader?

We think so! A leader can pray, plan and keep the meeting moving forward so that it meets its objective of helping everyone attending.

Isn’t it a bit heavy focussing on this one issue?

At the outset it could feel like that, but experience shows that once started, the group becomes about developing friendships and transforming individual’s relationship with God.

Why can’t I just pray and ask God to deliver me from using pornography?

You should pray and ask for healing. For some their prayers will be answered immediately. For others, it will be a longer process of sanctification and healing for them and their families. The testimony of many is that they need to walk this road with others.

What are the key ingredients for a successful group?

Be honest, real and open. It is important for the group members to be straightforward in their discussion. No hiding.
Draw out any successes as they occur.
Follow a course such as ‘Every Man’s Battle’ [see resource list]
Challenge each other to keep moving forward and deal with excuses.
Help each other to be aware of key times and situations when temptations occur.
Renew the mind with new thinking habits.
Memorize and meditate on scripture each week.
Confession, prayer, praise and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Accountability

A key factor on the success or not of these groups is being accountable. Individual group members need to be accountable to:

God. Most Christians do not fear God. We fear being discovered by men more than we do being seen by God. Knowing that God sees our sexual sin does not stop us from committing the sin. Why not? Because we do not fear God as we should. So one of the group’s aims should be to develop a proper fear of God.
Themselves. This is a form of self-respect and self-worth because every person should care about what they are doing to themselves and remember the damage they are causing themselves, and to others in our families.
The other people in the group. Trust is something that needs to be built between the members and accountability can only be by voluntary mutual agreement. Once that trust has been established, the group could regularly use the following chart, or some similar variation, to record how each individual is getting on. Initially using the chart is a good exercise in self-awareness. It can then be used to discuss progress towards individual goals, celebrating successes, praying and seeking forgiveness where someone has fallen short of their own expectations.

Goals - each weekday

I have not accessed internet porn
I have not fantasized sexually.
I have not deliberately looked through newspapers or magazines looking for sexual gratification
I have not bought porn mags, videos or dvds
I have not watched sexually explicit scenes on the TV.
I have prayed today.
I have memorized a scripture today.
I have read and meditated in the Bible today
I have worshipped God today.
I have shown appreciation for my wife today.
I have contacted one of my brothers in Christ to encourage him today.

Remembering why the group is important

When temptation and failure comes, it’s important to remember why individuals are part of the group and why they wanted to come in the first place. We suggest discussing the desire to change and become pure. These are some of the reasons group members have given for being part of a group that helps them deal with their struggles with pornography:

I want to fulfil my oath to be faithful to my wife/partner.
It will draw me closer to God.
I want to know I am walking a consistent Christian life.
I want to serve the Lord more.
I want to grow in maturity.
Although impurity can be pleasurable, I know it damages my life.

What if I want to go to a 12-Step Group?

Alcoholics Anonymous uses a 12-step methodology which has also been adopted by groups working with those with sex addictions.

The following are mainly USA websites. Please note that CARE cannot vouch for any of these groups, but are happy to give advice where appropriate.

Sex Compulsives Anonymous / register for information on UK meetings
www.sca-recovery.org

Sex Addicts Anonymous / all groups - Information via the home page and link to various meetings in England and Scotland.

www.sexaa.org

Sexaholics Anonymous / various meetings in England and Scotland